When vows are broken, so are hearts: How divorce shakes the mind and heart. No one enters marriage expecting it to end, yet for many, divorce becomes an unavoidable reality.
More than just a legal process, it’s an emotional storm-filled with grief, self-doubt, and uncertainty. The pain of separation can be overwhelming, leaving lasting psychological scars. But how exactly does divorce impact a person’s emotional and mental well-being? How do people navigate the storm of heartbreak, guilt and starting over? And most importantly, how can they heal?
Causes of divorce
Africa Jamz FM News spoke with Luyanda Memela, a Clinical Psychologist in private practice, based in Durban and Psychology lecturer at the University of KwaZulu-Natal, to unpack the deep-rooted causes of divorce and the most common reasons marriages fall apart.
“The biggest cause of divorce is getting married while one is still growing or changing and also getting married to someone who struggles to comprehend or accept their partner’s changes. For instance, the change in financial status, religious beliefs, physical appearance and medical or mental issues of your partner. So, if these changes happen in a marriage setting and there are communication issues, these may easily lead to infidelity and less commitment from both parties and then subsequently leading to a divorce,” said Memela.
Emotional strain
Memela also spoke about the common emotional changes individuals face during and after a divorce.
“It’s circumstances that push people to the decision of getting divorced. This may be a huge inconvenience in one’s goals and vision and this inconvenience may cause anger, sadness, guilt, feeling of betrayal or fear, anxiety for the future, loneliness, confusion and depression. While for some, it can bring a sense of liberation and relief especially if the marriage was toxic and dysfunctional,” added Memela.
Signs of psychological effects
As divorce can affect a person’s mental well-being, there are signs of distress they should look out for. Memela outlines these signs.
“Divorce can affect one’s psych in terms of how they view themselves, people around them and also how they view the world in general. One may see themselves as inadequate, having low-self-esteem, having trust issues with regards to other people and also having poor relations when it comes to other people in their circles and they are likely to self-isolate when it comes to engagements with other people.
“It’s important to be on the lookout for the psychological effects on kids as well because a divorce is not just for the mother and father, but it also affects children. So, all these psychological or mental issues can be evident on kids as well as they navigate schooling and making or maintaining friendships as they are developing,” further elaborated Memela.
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Coping mechanisms
Memela further mentions the practical steps someone can take to navigate the emotional toll of divorce and start their healing journey.
“It’s important to seek support when experiencing overwhelming emotions. These would be emotions that disrupt day to day functioning of a person. So, it’s important for individuals to talk to a pastor or a member of the church that one trusts, family and friends. There are also mental health institutions that provide mental health support like lifeline and South African Depression and Anxiety Group (SADAG).
“One can always call them as they have a tollfree number and also offer online and telephonic counselling. People can also see psychologists which are available at government institutions and there are also private psychologists who those who can afford to pay for the services.
“These resources can be beneficial in managing feelings or emotions and helping someone moving forward,” stated Memela.
Moving forward
What strategies can help individuals rebuild their confidence and adjust to life after divorce in a healthy way?
“The strategies that can help an individual regain their confidence are resolving all the emotions and psychological effects of divorce, finding yourself, setting new goals that are in line with the person that you are, having a new vision, getting a new hobby, staying and eating healthy and make sure you stay positive and have positive friends around you who help you navigate new challenges and things that you encounter,” concluded Memela.
If you are struggling with the emotional and mental toll of divorce, need counselling or someone to talk to, help is available at:
LIFELINE SOUTH AFRICA: 0800 012 322
SOUTH AFRICAN DEPRESSION AND ANXIETY GROUP (SADAG): 011 234 4837
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