In today’s fast-paced world, where emotional well-being often takes centre stage, many parents strive to protect their kids from disappointment, criticism, and failure.
But what happens when this well-meaning approach goes too far? When children are rarely told “no” or face little to no consequences for their actions, are we unintentionally setting them up for struggles with self-control and emotional regulation later in life?
As kids grow older, their ability to handle rejection, frustration and setbacks may be severely limited-leading to a fragile sense of self and inability to navigate life’s inevitable challenges.
How lack of discipline affects children
Speaking to Africa Jamz FM News, Dr Patricia Maria Lopes Rodrigues, a Psychotherapist specialising in children with special educational needs, also a university professor and works for Bemind at the Maputo Private Hospital, unpacks how lack of discipline affects children.
” Lack of discipline affects emotional regulation and harms personal development from childhood to adulthood. Without the word “no” during their life process, the child does not understand the meaning of discipline, lack of limits and rules which result in an inability to self-control, limitations in dealing with emotional issues, empathy, and the ability to listen and support others,” said Dr Patricia.
Difficulties the absence of consequences create from childhood
Dr Patricia also spoke about how the absence of consequences in childhood create difficulties in managing disappointment or frustration later in life.
“When a child does not realise or is not aware of the consequences of their inability to deal with frustration or disappointment, as a future adult, they will have limitations in their inter and intrapersonal relationships, decision-making capacity, inability to deal with stressful situations, self-esteem, authority, and difficulty in managing their emotions, leading to peaks in anxiety and depression,” said Dr Patricia.
Long-term psychological effects
For every action, there is a consequence whether good or bad. Dr Patricia discusses the long-term effects that may arise in children who are constantly shielded from negative feedback or failure.
“The children may have lack of self-control, behaviour or conduct problems, self-esteem, relationship problems with others, frustrations and emotional crises,” said Dr Patricia.
How lack of “no” can impact a child’s self-esteem and resilience in adulthood
How does the inability to cope with setbacks or “no” moments impacts a child’s self-esteem and resilience in adulthood?
“Children end up not being prepared to face the diversities of life, wanting everything to go their way and making personal, social and professional relationships difficult. They also end up having difficulties in knowing how to share and work as a team, not accepting other people’s opinions and creating a maladjustment of internal discomfort and bouts of frustration,” said Dr Patricia.
Steps parents can take to introduce healthier boundaries with their kids
Lastly, Dr Patricia states how lenient parenting can lead to struggles with self-control, and what steps parents can take to introduce healthier boundaries.
“In my work experience, especially in cases of children with behavioural problems, I try to work on social skills and demonstrate or simulate experiences and examples of real cases, as a way of identifying positive and negative points and their consequences.
“The approach parents can use when communicating with their children must be clear and convey confidence and security, and parents must also understand that “no” does not always mean something bad, but something constructive,” said Dr Patricia.
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